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What have I done to deserve simultaneous ink deprivation in both of the only printers I own?

I took the kids to the mall tonight since Hubs had to work late. I never know how it’s going to go with the two of them, but tonight they were on their best behavior. As a reward, I gave them three dollars in quarters for the mall “rides.” Mimi spent her last .50 to buy Wixie some Mike and Ikes. These occasional random acts of kindness from her really kill me. Then, when they were dumping their trays after dinner, I saw Wixie pause a little and shuffle his feet, head down. I asked him what was wrong and he just shrugged. He shuffled along some more until I asked him again. He finally stopped and said, “I miss drinky.”

After Mimi was born and I went back to work, I went to a professional development seminar for women needing to be more assertive in business. At the time I was still in complete and total “Mother Shock” and in need of some serious help to keep me from going off the deep end. It took hearing myself speak at this conference to realize the kind of pressure I was putting myself under. At one point the facilitator asked us what was keeping us from our goals. I raised my hand and said, lack of TIME (and may or may not have added, Duh). Oh, hell did she LOVE that. I was eating right into her hands. She expertly pressed me to describe these unmet goals, and prepared to showcase her mad skillz using me as Exhibit A. But then I rattled off (in all seriousness), these goals that I just found in my old day planner:
Learn to cook (gourmet, like mom)
Learn to sew (make Mimi some play dresses)
Learn to quilt (make a baby quilt of outgrown baby clothes)
Write at least an hour daily
Get an article published within the next three months
Reorganize house (kitchen, all bedrooms)
Create cleaning schedule to follow regularly
Keep in better touch with friends
Regularly send birthday cards to all family and friends
Volunteer at Humane Society (training this weekend)
Work toward promotion and start Freelance career on the side
Make home-cooked dinner at least 4 nights a week

The reaction I got from all those women was not what I expected, but it was just what I needed. They were completely and utterly disgusted. They thought I was being a smart ass. But see, I’m really just a dumb ass.

These shelves have been taunting me since we moved in eight years ago. They’ve never looked like this before. They’ll never look like this again. Thus, the pictures.

I’ve written before that Mimi is prone to freak outs related to scary television (should she happen to catch a glimpse). So, you’d think I’d be happy about the latest ads touting how parents can block programming that they feel is inappropriate for their kids. You’d think. Except, I’m not. Mostly because in order to tell parents how to block the bloody chainsaw wielding murderers from view, they’re showing bloody chainsaw wielding murderers. Do they think that my kids are smart old enough to think “oh. yeah. it’s okay because that nice lady is rationally explaining to the bloody chainsaw wielding murderer that he’s not allowed in her house.”

Yes, if only they lived with her. Then I wouldn’t have to talk my daughter down off the ceiling right before bed.

I have a feeling that a recurring theme on this blog will be: (cranky old lady smoker cough voice)
Hey, you kids! Quit growing up over there!

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